You might think D.j. Trump is a terrible president. Here is why that isn’t true.

So many people say that Mr. D.j. Trump is a bad president. He cheats, they say. He lied, they say. He does not truly love America... at least not as much as he loves himself and the money. But is this true?

Mr. D.j. Trump was born in an orphanage in a very poor area of the Long Island with no family or money, he was the first of his kind to be this president. This is why we must refer him as the Lord and Savior Mr. Donald James trum, and not a stupid women for president.

Also, this brings me to my next point, the election is OVER GUYS. MR D.J. TRUMP WON IT FAIR AND SQUAIR. 

Also, this brings me to yet another point. Maybe donal James trum is not so much a liar as you must think. He has the best memory in the world. The best doctor in the world. The best fruit wines in the world. The best golf clubs (at first I wrote “gold clubs” buy mistake and I thought, yes he probably does have gold clubs! Both night clubs and golf clubs. Maybe his security has gold clubs to hit criminals with. Oh and maybe he has a trump(r) brand sets of decks of cards with a “gold” clubs in it. I don’t know but it sure is fun to think about.) how could A LIAR be so good at everything he does? Casing point.

Another reason I LOVE the holy, rational and stealth like Mr. D.j. Trumps is because he has a great look and is very popular with the women. Have you seen his wife? She is very beautiful. And have you seen his daughter? She is easily more beautiful. So this is very important for me, because a Hillary for president would mean ONLY ONE WOMAN IN THE WHITE house. For our fearless and vindictive Leader Chairman Donald k. Trump it is only true to say HE WILL HAVE 2 WOMEN IN THE White House.

And finally, this is the most important: Donald j is giving up his precious time on the money markets to save our country from the evils of Antifa and communist insurrection. Believe me these are very bad things and need to be kept at the bay. I will no longer eat at Applebee’s because they offer “a toast to the revolution” and are widely known to be Antifa safehouses in every state. We need a divine and omnipotent Leader to please save us Mr. Donald jtrump!

Thanks to you and please leave your name and a brief comment on why you like this article. Many more to come!

Come Hell, Or High Water!

Greetings friends,
I understand that it has been an unreasonably long time since I last spoke with you all. It is with a heavy heart that I say to you, "It is true! All of my loved ones have passed away!"

And so, I write the following list. May these souls "Rest In Peace".

1. Prince
Legendary Music Icon

2. Gwyneth Paltrow
Very Talented Actor

3. Cher
Singer, Actor, Dancer

4. "Earnest" Hemmingway
One Of My All Time Favorite Authors

5. Michael Jordan
Singer, Dancer, Entrepreneur

6. Janet Jordan
Singer, Actor, Entertainer

7. Clive "Staples" Lewis
Master Of Narnian Tales

8. David Bowie
Singer, Make-Up Muse

9. THE QUEEN MOTHER

10. Bernard Joseph Macintyre
Comedian, New Kid, Actor

11. Bridgeport Jones
And all the other nameless victims of violence in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

12. Paul Walker
Driver Of Fast Cars

13. Jesus of Nazareth
King Of The Jews, Christ

Now that you have reflected on my list of passed loved ones, you are probably thinking, "Why are there 13 [thirteen] passed loved ones? Is this not an unlucky number? Why, for crying out loud, IS JESUS CHRIST THE 13th ON HIS LIST?"

Friend, I must let you know: 13 is not an unlucky number. For in fact, Christ had 12 [twelve] disciples, making himself the 13th [thirteenth] in their squadron. The number 13 is also very important in numerology (I will discuss this further as my article progresses).

It is my thinking that 13 became an unlucky number when the Roman Catholic church was trying to excommunicate the Greek aristocracy. The Greeks, being fans of homosexuality, loved the number 13 because the "1" looks like an erect penis, while the "3" looks like an arial view of a protruding pair of buttocks. The Catholics therefore must have demonized this number. To their fault, they neglected the extreme importance of making lists and poems in 13s.

Now, Christians, you ponder, "All the souls listed are of dead bodied. But did not Christ ascend to heaven, body and soul? Christ's life is everlasting, how can he be included in the dead Reverend Pescado chooses to mourn?"

And I respond, "Did not Paul Walker die for the sins of us wishing to watch fast and furious automobiles crashing into oblivion? Did not Cher die for our curiosity of valour and contempt of the human psyche? Is it possible that in C.S. Lewis's current reality, he is not dead but is instead 500 years old, but in our universe his perception has only lasted a nanosecond?!"

These foolish responses are why I choose to not post anymore than I am spiritually obliged.

Regards,
Jesus Pescado

"A Tip For The Ladies" Female pattern baldness can be cured with a good attitude ;)