Q: What does FAQ stand for? A: Frequently Asked Questions.

Greetings, Pescadites*.

Over the past little while that I've been on sabbatical many of my readers have sent in various questions to which I've intended to provide responses. Of course I don't have time for most of the questions, but I do have time to answer the questions I received from three or more readers at least one time each.

*Please stop sending me rude or sexually suggestive messages/photographs.

Q: Where do homeless people get their money?
A: It's not that cut and dry of an issue. Many homelesses don't have any money and that's why they are homeless. Some are able to leach off social assistance similar to the way a parasite eats away at the living flesh of its host species. Don't get me wrong: there is nothing more human than homelesses. Still, these homo insectiens  can be crafty. Some do quite well for themselves panhandling (known on the street as "waiting for the mail").

Q: Why do people use dangerous substances (also known as "drugs")?
A: Dangerous substances can really make life cool while their effects last. The enjoyable duration is typically followed by 8 to 24 hours of shaking and sweating (as well as making your pukehole feel like your butt and your butt feel like your pukehole.) Some people also think that drugs can bring them closer to God, but as anyone who's ever used good enough drugs knows, we're all Jesus and the Devil at the same time - just like a cloud is both air and water.

Q: Who will will the Superbowl in 2012?
A: Kansas City.

Q: How do I know if my boyfriend/ladyfriend is cheating on me?
A: First and foremost, Jesus Pescado is no player hater. You're pissing me off even just asking that kind of question. If you're boyfriend wasn't cheating on you he'd be called your husband (and we know that don't mean squalla.) If you know a female you refer to as a "ladyfriend" you probably have several "ladyfriends" in which case who the F are you to say what does or doesn't happen inside her ladygadget? Ladies burned their bras in the 60s and 70s - meaning they can all take their tops off and we can all get a good look. In return we don't need to open doors or pickle jars for their lazy (but hella fine) asses. Feminism is the best reason to be a motherfuckin' man about it.

Q: Reading your blog developes serious questions pertaining to its authorship. Who are you? Some sort of racist?
A: I am a thirty-five year old exchange student from Mexico City studying sociology. I can say words like beaner, crackertrash, and dago all I want. Who are you? A friggin' priest all of a sudden?