If you didn't know that yet, there is an estimated 100,000 deaths and about 20% of buildings in the capital Port-au-Prince have been reduced to ruins. Now I didn't hear about this until recently. I had my Blackberry on "silent" since January 11th and missed hoards of emails from the Associated Press. But the main reason I didn't know is because I'm a baseball fan, and I'm not sure what sports they play on that side of Hispañola. I'll take a wild guess and say soccer.
Fun Fact! Did you know that Haiti gained independence from France on January 1st, 1804? That makes it the second oldest independent nation in the Americas!
All games aside, there are a lot of good reasons why Americans don't know much about Haiti. The number one reason is that it's not in America. Peurto Rico is. The number two reason: no Haitian bars or baseball players. Simple fact.
The Dominican Republic, on the other hand, has produced the second most Major League Baseball players out of every nation in the world. And it produces more merengue than any other country and the world. And it has an awesome reggaeton scene. And the owners of my favorite bar, Pinche Pendejo's (on 34th), are Dominican. Therefore, the Dominican Republic is pretty much my second home. This, and the fact that I dated a Haitian girl in junior high school gives me the right to have an opinion about the earthquake in Haiti. My opinion is that they need help.
Before our government starts sending down sandwiches, it's important to look at what will help Haitians for the long term. There are key questions we should ask ourselves:
1. Who aside from Wyclef Jean is a famous Haitian?
2. What language do they speak in Haiti?
3. Where is a good Haitian bar to frequent?
4. If exposed to baseball, will Haitians ever outplay Dominicans?
5. How do you send aid to Haiti if the airports and shipping docks are destroyed?
6. Does Haiti have a president, prime minister or king? Why?
Before handling any sensitive topic one should ask oneself questions. It's best not to tackle an obstacle before knowing the facts first.
W5 + H = good journalism.
Take a lesson from baseball. Imagine you are pitching to a big-hitting batter like Sammy Sosa in 1999. The Cubs have two outs with two men on base. You're playing for a shit team like the Royals. Do you think he's going to bunt? No. Why the hell would he bunt with two outs and two men on base? The catcher touches his nuts with one finger. You throw the slider, just to trip him out. Strike one. The catcher touches his nuts with four fingers, then with only two. You're feeling nervous. You throw a fastball. Strike two. What do you do now? Stand there like an idiot or finish the inning? You decide to finish the inning. The catcher signals for the high heat. Sosa hits the third pitch and it's a home run.
Now imagine Haiti was the pitcher. Sammy Sosa represents the earth. The third pitch is the quake and the home run is the crisis.
Then picture the Philadelphia Phillies on opening day and the owner of the Philadelphia Flyers is throwing the first pitch. It doesn't need to be a strike because it's a first pitch. It doesn't even need to clear home plate.
In that scenario, the owner of the Flyers represents Obama in his hometown but in the wrong "sports league." Philadelphia, of course, represents Washington D.C. and the Phillies are the Republican Party. The earthquake happened in "the Republic of Haiti" and Obama is a Democrat. Though ethnically comparable to 95% of Haitians, is a Democrat able to do a Republican's job?
Fun Fact! Did you know the first recorded game of baseball with codified rules was played in Hoboken, New Jersey only 42 years, 6 months and 19 days after Haiti became the second country in the Americas to gain independence?
If you are still confused, that's okay. Life can be confusing. Patience is a virtue. Baseball is America's Favorite Past Time. And it's a game played with confidence.
Your pal,
John
***A TIP FOR THE LADIES***
When putting on your make-up this morning, don't use glitter. It'll get all over your man making him look flitty. You don't want your lady friends thinking your man is a flit, do you? On top of that, glitter on your face doesn't look good. Unless you are dressed really fancy because then you've made it interesting. Your man will think, "Why does this good-looking, well-dressed dame put all that terrible shit on her face?" Imagine if your sparkles were all natural. It's an enticing element of mystery your man will never forget.
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