Twenty-Ten and the Aught-Decade-Wrap-Up

In slightly less than 3 years the world will end and everyone will despise the song "Empire State of Mind" if they haven't begun to already. As history continues to repeat itself we are faced with the lack of opportunity to change anything. Alas, multinational corporations will continue to call the shots and everything we know about Global Warming won't do us any good.

But what about the bright side of the new decade?

If you ask me (which you already have), this new decade is just one big bright side. Seriously. The second Jay-Z and Alicia Keys get off the airwaves is the second Boogie Town Records has to jump right on. And who doesn't want that to happen? Communists? Terrorists? Squares? I'd say all of them. It's up to the raddest and the freshest of the Twenty-Teen decade (this is a hypothetical term relying on the assumption the world will continue to exist after December 21st, 2012) to ensure anything cool does flourish.

As this decade progresses we will begin to see touch screens on just about everything. Then touch screens will be replaced by "touch objects" (three dimensional textured versions of the touch screen that you can throw, kick and bite in order to preform different functions.) Everything will be voice activated and some devices will be swear activated. If your smart phone freezes you can say, "Fuck this stupid piece of shit!" and a new one will be on its way, apology letter in hand.

New developments in music will have everything on auto tune. For musicians this means you will only need to know how to play a keyboard (and keyboards will be voice activated so all you need to do it hum). Just slap your bass any damn way you feel like, record it on a computer with the tune you already want to play programmed in, and it will sound the way you intended. It will be great because you won't need to think about anything.

Contemporary dance will also shift to a more user-friendly interface. Ever seen A Charlie Brown Christmas? What am I asking- you probably saw it last week. Remember when Charlie is trying to direct the Christmas play and everyone just keeps on dancing? Learn one of those dances and keep at it. That's all you'll need to know. Position your arms straight out in front of your shoulders and slowly run in place. That's the hottest way to dance right now. Don't believe me? Go to the hottest club in your city. If no one's dancing like that there then they don't know what's hot for 2010.

The best part about this new decade is finally we can say "twenty" instead of "two thousand." It pissed me off so bad for so long to always say "two thousand and nine" or "two thousand and five." Get a life, Last Decade. You had no soul.

What will make the most significant cultural impact in the next ten years is the release of Rifle Comics Thug G Series on December 21st, 2012. It will completely redefine reality.

Keep checkin' back in for new updates in life improvement.

Your pal,
John

***A TIP FOR THE LADIES***
It's a new decade so try something new to please your man. If you listened to R&B to "get your groove on" last decade, switch to Boogie Town Records. If you used Southern slang last decade to express your "crunk" or to "git yerr freak on", switch to "Boogie tawk." It's similar to Southern slang but you say the word "boogie" a whole lot more. Let me give you an example:

Southern Slang [SS]: The party was aiight till them fools start fightin' an three of dem got hawled off in a ambalance.

Boogie Tawk [BT]: Well that boogie was boogiein' just ok till them boogie flops started to boogie with some knives and stabbed up them boogies so hard they got taken to the boogie hospital boogie. Ya'll can boogie that to GoldCa$$h.

As long as you take the same amount of time to say the sentence it flows OK. Try it out- boogie fact!