But that's not the real reason I'm writing this. They didn't offer me any financial compensation for the article you are currently reading, so Porter Airlines doesn't deserve any good press. They say there is no such thing as bad publicity, but that's a crock full of BS. You gotta be chock-full-o-nuts if you believe in anything that silly. Right now I'm gonna speak out about an issue everyone is thinking.
Fuck air travel. Fuck security. It's a piss off and a half. Sure we all gotta be safe; it makes sense. So they should just search everyone but me. Because I am famous and great.
Now that that has been said let's move on to a pressing topic. I have a friend in Montreal (who shall remain nameless) that is super dope and I'd like to give her a shout out. CN, if you are reading this, I'd like you to know that sometimes I wish I was made of potato and salted only lightly.
Have a great holiday, y'all (we know what holiday I'm talking about.) And for those of you who complain about my use of the first person in journalism, I hope you don't get crap all from Saint Nick.
Your pal,
John
***A TIP FOR THE LADIES***
Take your man out on a date this holiday season. Buy him a ticket to the local NBA game of your choice, maybe some spicy Indian food after. When the night is complete bring him home for a good old fashioned romp-around. He'll never forget!
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